Thoughts on Pain and Suffering and being Left Handed (Part 1)
. “If the left half of the brain controls the right half of the body then only left handed people are in their right mind.” — W.C. Fields
I have been reluctant to write about my personal life, because lately it has just been too painful to think about it let alone write about it…but, now that I am starting to see a sliver of light at the end of a very painful tunnel, I can share some of my thoughts. For those who know me personally, you know that about 6 months ago I started experiencing a mild tingling and numbness in my left thumb and forefinger…dutifully I went to the internet to do some research (since I was absent the week that was covered in Med School…LOL) I discovered that the Median nerve is what affects those two fingers…however the median nerve usually also affects the third (or fuck you finger) and part of the fourth when it is blocked…nonetheless, I just thought I that I had a pinched nerve and that some yoga or acupuncture would take care of it…when that didn’t work I went to a chiropractor…that made my pain worse. So, as the weeks turned into months and the pain became more frequent and intense, I reluctantly went to the doctor who ordered an MRI of my neck region,…a logical first step since my symptoms presented as being a pinched nerve (My diagnosis confirmed!)…I was referred to a neurosurgeon to check the MRI. The neurosurgeon who evaluated the MRI said my neck and spine were perfect..as a matter of fact, he said I had “the Mona Lisa” of spines, this was witnessed by my dear friend Cydney, who graciously accompanied me to my appointment. This was all taking place in Mexico where the doctors are much more accessible, not to mention more romantic and poetic. Because he couldn’t see anything wrong he suggested I get a nerve conduction test…for those of you that are unfamiliar with this test, just think CIA torture technique..a series of electrical shocks up and down my arm for 2 hours. The technician interpreted the results for me as either carpal tunnel syndrome (OK I can deal with that) or Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (huh?) which could potentially result in thoracic surgery…sounds much more scary. At this point two months have gone by and I have had no relief. With worsening pain, I finally decided to return to the US and have my Kaiser doctors check it out. This of course meant starting all over again…another MRI, this time of the thoracic region, another EMG, more shocking and twitching, and a neck x ray. However, the wait to see a Kaiser neurosurgeon who could interpret the results, was 2 months! That was just not acceptable to this impatient bitch who is used to getting what I want when I want it….Ahhh, now I must step up my practice of patience and all that meditating I’ve be doing comes into play…thank you Purusha, Ommmmm. (and don’t worry, we will get to the left handed part very soon) So, I made tons of phone call, lots and LOTS of crying, until I finally got a kind case manager to advocate for me (Thank you Ruby and shout out to Jane Doctor who suggested I send Ruby cookies from Crumbl to thank her) Ruby got me in to see a USC doctor, although not part of the Kaiser system, I only had to wait 2 weeks to see him. After reviewing all my tests, he was stumped, but suggested the “conservative” approach would be to try to deal with the hand issue first since thoracic surgery is so invasive and dangerous. Another 3 week wait to see the hand surgeon who confirmed it was NOT carpal tunnel…sigh. Back to my USC surgeon, another 2 week wait and meanwhile the pain in my fingers was getting unbearable. You know that feeling you get when you hit your elbow funny bone? Well, there is nothing funny about it. I have that excruciating nerve pain 24/7, especially every time my fingers touched something. In case I neglected to mention it, or if you haven’t guessed by now, my left hand is my dominant hand so that means eating, writing, even brushing my teeth had to be relearned using my right hand..don’t even get me started on how I am typing this article.. A trip to the Emergency Room where I threatened to handcuff myself to the bed until they would admit me, led to a visit from a hospital social worker who talked me off the ledge and sent me home with Oxycontin…
It is estimated that only 10% of the world’s population is left handed, and there are a number of famous left handers…from Julius Caesar to Leonardo DaVinci and Michelangelo, Sandy Koufax and Babe Ruth, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton, Paul McCartney and Jimi Hendrix, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, Oprah, Winston Churchill, Einstein..need I say more? The list goes on and on. Research shows that there are undisputedly a higher percentage of geniuses that are left handed. Left-handed people are said to be good at complex reasoning, resulting in a high number of lefty Nobel Prize winners, writers, artists, musicians, architects and mathematicians. According to research published in the American Journal of Psychology, lefties appear to be better at divergent thinking. Divergent thinking is a problem-solving process where several different potential solutions are developed. While divergent thinking focuses on the generation of new ideas convergent thinking focuses on evaluating ideas that are already in existence. Therefore, divergent thinkers are better at thinking outside the box.
I love being left handed, but it has had it’s drawbacks...it has made it difficult if not impossible to learn guitar, play golf, knit and a plethora of other things I have failed miserably at because it was just too darn difficult. I gave up trying to write with a fountain pen or on a chalk board…and remember those old school writing desks? Ever see a left handed one? I know it makes me different and I can see how being left handed has made me smarter and more creative…less willing to take NO for an answer or wait two months for a doctor’s appointment. It’s because I need to create “work arounds” in my everyday life ALL DAY LONG…faucets, door knobs, scissors, can openers, cars... more lefties are killed in car accidents due to slower pedal response times, some insurance companies even charge lefties more for car insurance!
As I write this I am 6 months into my pain…I am back home in Mexico waiting for my US doctors to figure all this out. In the meantime, the pain doctors at USC “think” I might have a very rare condition (of course, I do) called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, CRPS. They cannot be sure as there is no way to confirm the diagnosis since it is a diagnosis of omission…meaning, they can just count things out, it’s not carpal tunnel, it’s not Thoracic outlet…so it’s a medical guessing game. So far I have had three ganglion block shots with some small relief and am waiting to get a cervical epidural at C-6 the day before Thanksgiving. I guess that is something to be thankful for. I am still in pain daily and have concocted a stupid leather glove to protect my thumb and index finger from touching anything while still allowing me to type and use my phone.
This used to be a gorgeous leather glove with cashmere lining from Bloomingdale’s…a fashion statement it is not….but, you must admit it displays some divergent thinking! The only upside to my waiting period is my pain management doctor is…you guessed it, left handed. Stay tuned for Part 2.
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